another pound!

i REALLY don't know how i managed that this week lol. this week was half pms/half period. my cravings & appetite were outlandish. but i got myself together the last two or three days. plus yesterday i drank FOUR liters of water instead of two haha. & of course still taking all the vitamins/supplements/colon cleanser etc. sooooo, i don't get it but i'm happy about it!! :)

loss!

YES! :) after all my guilt-strickening food choices this week, i am down two pounds! it HAS to be the stuff i'm taking. also i'm trying not to eat after i get back from class (so, last meal or whatever around 5ish on most days). i think that helps not having to make your body "sit" on food that won't be burned through the night.

sooo yeah. i'm seven pounds down for this past month & forty down altogether! :) i've lost one fourth of the weight i need to lose. Lord, help me! lol

wwwhat?

so i was nervous about how the weigh-in would go tomorrow morning, so i weighed a day early to motivate my eating habits for today lol.

it says i'm down 1.2lbs?! hoooow? with all my eating mess ups & lack of exercise & hormonal cravings.. my only conclusion is it HAS to be the colon cleanse, acai, green tea, &/or coq10. but i just started taking the coq10 a few days ago & i haven't been consistent with the green tea bc of everything else i'm taking.. i actually haven't even been consistent with the others. but moreso than the rest. huh! well.. here's hoping for a decent weigh-in tomorrow! i'm kind of excited now! :)

that time of the month.

so i ALWAYS know when that time of the month is coming. & it reeks havoc on my will to stay on the dieting straight & narrow.

let's see. my roommate's birthday was this weekend. he brought home cake. had some of that one day. then yesterday i went out with him to get his new tv & he went by sheetz. he got a mint mocha & i got a mint hot chocolate as well as a 6 inch veggie & cheese sub on wheat. so far this is ALL my roommate's fault ;P i think in general i've just been more hungry than like.. eating bad stuff. bc i don't really have anything in the house that's very 'bad' at this point? i think it's more like too many calories. i HATE this time of the month SO much lol. oh & on vday i ate pizza. haaaaaate :(

but i think i've gotten my resolve back. i have plenty of veggies in the freezer, a couple boxes of morningstar, & my crystal lite in a 2 liter bottle lol. i LOVE the flavored sparkling water btw. i drink those constantly when i'm not drinking crystal lite. thankfully that's all i drink unless it's like.. milk in a slim fast mix. pretty proud of myself there.

i'm not very into my hair at the moment. idk if i'm going to break down & go to the salon or not. i thiiiiink i might. it'll make me feel better. & 'cuter' haha. but i won't be going to my usual person -- too expensive right now. $40 for a cut, $100 for ONE color lol. idk what color to go, tho. browner, redder, or blonder lol. we shall see!

i also just ordered apple cider vinegar & fiber diet capsules from puritan's pride (where i get all my vitamins/supplements!). that'll help with metabolism functions & feeling fuller while i eat less calories. i'm also taking co-enzyme q 10 again. & vitex during this week & next (helps with PMS, period regularity, etc for me).

in the biggest loser competition thing with my friends.. weigh in is friday. i'm sooo nervous i gained. i think i will have. which sucks. but.. i'll blame it on the oncoming period =x LOL ..i'm more back on my game now, so i don't feel too guilty. just have to try harder.

annnnd that is it! :)

pilot.

alright. so, a friend of mine has a weight loss blog & i've decided it's an awesome way to stay motivated & accountable in my OWN weight loss efforts.

let me give you a little back story on why i'm at the place i am now.

from around age 6 on, i've been an unhealthy overeater. my grandmother, God love her, would sit me down at the dinner table & wouldn't let me get up (even if it took three hours) until i ate everything on my plate. & they were good sized portions. way more than a child needed. also, i was left to my own devices way too often as a child. i'd get bored, i'd get lonely, so i'd eat. no one was there to tell me what to eat, when to eat, etc. i was (still am) asthmatic & allergic to many things outside -- so that played a huge role in a lack of exercise. so, off i went down obesity road.

where i am now:

my mindset has changed over the past two years drastically. for one, i'm taking responsibility for my body. i'm an adult now. what i eat, how i eat, when i eat -- that's all on me. my motivation to get up & exercise -- my responsibility. like with any complex you get from childhood, it never has to define you. YOU decide who YOU are. not what someone else makes you. if something in your life isn't making you happy, CHANGE IT. no one is telling you you can't.

i denied my weight all through highschool & partway through college. then i started to accept, first of all, how much i really weighed. that pictures didn't lie. that people do view me as a "big girl".. because. i am. & after i started to not see that as an insult but as a true fact, it didn't hurt me that way anymore. not that anybody was ever like "you're fat!" exactly, but if they did say that to me today.. i wouldn't go bury myself in a hole. i'm perfectly content to admit to my size. i think for me, that was a much needed step. i think once i accepted what i WAS, i could accept what i WANTED TO BE.

i've always either maintained or gained. never lost more than 10 pounds (by starving myself) that i'd gain right back in a week. whenever i'd hit a new high i'd go bug-eyed about it, then i'd get use to it. i get use to ALOT in my life. weight gain should never have been that way.

also, i never knew how to diet correctly. i wasn't disciplined enough to eat the "good stuff" or whatnot. i didn't KNOW how BAD some of the stuff i ate every day WAS. i first started taking a nutrition class & it totally made me do a 180. i started eating differently. i found the food wasn't that bad. i felt better AND I WAS LOSING. initially i did 'get over it' for awhile & gained it back. but that idea stuck with me.

now, i'm to the point that i'm pretty much done being THAT girl. the one that, 'well she has a pretty face, but..' & i've never taken that much pride in myself. my looks. mostly because of my weight. i guess i figured, the rest of me could look good, but the weight trumps all of that, so why bother? although in the last year or so i've started doing cuter things with my hair, wearing cuter clothes, etc. i've gotten compliments -- that i carry myself well, i AM pretty, they like my outfits i put together, etc. i've gained some confidence that way. & as always, the older you get, the better you know yourself & have your own back lol. i KNOW my good qualities now. i don't doubt them. i think that's another step.

i'm currently at the point that i can see my goal being reached. & beyond that -- i want to be healthy. for ME. but definitely for someone else down the road. it's nice. i've been getting to know this one guy for about a year. & he has some weight to lose as well as me. & despite everything, he's sincerely into me for ME. weight & all. we're both trying to get healthy & look good -- but even along the way, he's there for me. he's one of my motivations. whether we work out as a couple or not -- that means something to me.

so by healthy i mean -- vegetarian. vitamins. supplements. organic. that kind of thing. i do still have PMS-y cravings & sugar urges that i have to fight & compromise with.. but i'm very aware now of what i put in my body. i've been vegetarian for going on five months now & i don't regret it a bit. i still have some junk food to cut out/find a replacement for, but it's a work in progress! :)

as of yesterday morning, since starting to lose winter before last (& going up down up down), i've lost 38lbs from my highest weight ever. to hit my goal weight, i need to lose 117lbs more.

strategy:

obviously vegetarian (lacto-ovo). i'm currently taking acai & a colon cleanser (& of course that one's very temporary) as well as green tea extract (less than normal bc of the cleanser). i need to get back on co-enzyme q 10 as well. & a multivitamin. i also try to drink 2 liters of water a day (i put crystal lite in a big bottle, shake it up, chug lol). my diet mostly consists of steam-in-a-bag/frozen veggies, morningstar meats, brown rice & whole grain breads (sparingly), slim fast (fat free milk), oatmeal, etc. i try to use splenda instead of real sugar whenever i can. i use parkay instead of real butter. i'm also trying to steer more twds mustard instead of ketchup or mayo to condimentalness since it's zero calories haha.

i'm also going to be starting curves (since i won't be walking in this frozen tundra anytime soon lol).

short term goals:

i'm going to visit the aforementioned guy in may. i want to be down at LEAST 20lbs by then (that's averaging 1 1/2lbs a week). i also have a big family reunion every year the first weekend in october. i really want to be down at least 50 by then.

sooo yeah! i guess that's about it for an intro/sum up. have a good one, guys :)